A Christmas Miracle!

Remember how I don't like to touch raw meat? Well, guess what happened...I made meatballs! It truly is a Christmas miracle. I'll let the pictures do the talking this time:





There's always room for a photobomb!





Truly, a Christmas miracle. Happy Christmas, friends! Also, whatchu talkin' bout everybody!

Meat, Metal, and Mac 'n Cheese for the Table: Kuma's Corner

Although it seems to be all I write about anymore, I promise this isn't going to turn into a food/eating blog. I mean, yeah, food and eating take up a lot of my time, what with being a part of my damn family, living in a city with delicious and interesting restaurants, and personally feeling excitement and motivation about cooking and baking. But there are other things in life too, right? Like...nature ? I don't know. There are other things. I promise. There are already enough fantastic food blogs out there. Here are some of my favorites:

Epic Portions: I'm pretty sure one of the writers on this site is my soul mate. Maybe we'll get married. Also, he's real into "eating challenges," like when you get your picture on the wall for finishing 4 pounds of bacon. Excellent.

This Is Why You're Fat: This site is gross. But it's also entertaining and funny.

Everybody Likes Sandwiches: This woman has pretty healthy, but delicious-sounding recipes, and really cute layout and pictures.

Delicious Food: THIS one! The writer behind this site is a genius. I'm sorry, but she is. She can be kind of an ass sometimes, but she's good.

Okay. So with that in mind, here's another story about eating and food. Better yet, it's a story about eating food with my family! This family of mine, they are voracious eaters. When I was a teenager, I witnessed my cousin Samer finishing an entire turkey leg from the Taste of Chicago, which I'd never seen before. If you've been to The Taste, you know what I'm talking about; giant turkey legs, meaty and dripping, being carried around and not finished by grown ass burly men. And my little 14-year-old cousin showed them all up when he polished off the turkey leg and went back for more.

Luai and Laith will often partake in all-you-can-eat sushi. Several of us used to get a "platter" of wings (now called a "party pan," apparently), which serves 8 - 16 people, from Buffalo Joe's and eat them in my parents' backyard. Most likely, it served 8 or less. I myself ate an entire Awesome Blossom once, but to be fair, it was because of my family, and a wonderful bet, that I did it. There are rarely any Thanksgiving leftovers. I mean, look. We know how to eat.

Despite this, I was surprised to realize the group that had convened when we'd planned a big trip to Kuma's Corner in Chicago one weekend: Layla, Lameis, Emil, Mladenka, and myself. Not the biggest of the eaters, which made me a bit nervous, but I knew they'd pull through. You see, Kuma's is an adventure, a challenge, and quite an experience, to say the least. Kuma's is known for it's burgers that are all named after metal bands. They're served on thick pretzel rolls, and you get the option of a 10oz. burger, boneless chicken breast, garden burger, or chicken tenders. The plates come with the sandwich and on the side, a heap of waffle fries or homemade chips. Even the ketchup has jalapeños in it. Everything is so intense.

Have a listen to what this jackass has to say:

Since being featured on The Food Network, Kuma's is near impossible to get into - that is, without waiting for hours. And so, it was pretty dumb for us to go on a Friday night, but it was the earliest I could get to town and our only night free together. However, we went into it with a good attitude, the knowledge that we'd be waiting for a long time, and the intention to have a few drinks. And it totally worked.

A word of advice. Don't drink beer at Kuma's if you plan on eating. You'll get too full! Have a few vodkas. Leave some room in your stomach. Because dudes? Besides the famous burgers, there is an option to build your own mac n' cheese. Holy crap. I actually think this is the most delicious thing on the menu. We get an order "for the table" and add in bacon and mushrooms. Ugh. So ridiculous.

Alright, so the burgers. The Kuma's Burger has a fried egg on it. I love fried eggs on burgers and sandwiches. I'm sure it's prety much the unhealthiest thing you could ever eat, but it's so good! Here are a few views of the Kuma's Burger, which Mladenka ordered. Bacon, cheddar, and a fried egg!
Look at that wobbly yolk! Ha, gross.
And the tallness of that burger...impressive.
Emil got a burger none of us had ever ordered before: The Goblin Cock. One of my favorite moments of the night was when he looked up at the waitress, all wide-eyed and innocent, and asked, sincerely and geniuinely, "How's the Goblin Cock, in your opinion?"
It's pretty much like getting an entire hot dog on your burger: Bacon, cheddar cheese, a ¼lb. Vienna hot dog, tomatoes, onion, neon green relish, sport peppers, pickles, celery salt, and mustard.
Layla also tried a new one: the Neurosis.
This had cheddar, swiss, sautéed mushrooms, caramelized onions, and horseradish mayo. Layla commented that the burger really could have used an additional meat on it, like bacon. So proud of my cousin. So, so proud.
Lameis and I both opted for an all-time favorite: The Mastodon.
This one has BBQ sauce, cheddar, bacon, and frizzled onions on top.
You can feel and hear the onions crunch when you take a bite.
Here's Emil, good old L'il Brudder, showing off the Goblin Cock that he proudly ordered.
Here's Layla and I with our burgers. Look at the determination in Layla's eyes!
That's the wide-eyed, innocent look I was telling you about. Strange, isn't it?
One more view of the Kuma's Burger. Look at that melted cheese and egg in there! Oh god, I love layers and pictures of layers.
Here's our receipt. It does not include any of the pre-dinner drinks. I wish I had evidence of that.
The after effects of a night like this are numerous, and often unpleasant. Thankfully, we as a family have somewhat realized some limits in our adult years, and each of us only ate half of our burgers (you can eat the rest later!) and took the other half home. Nevertheless, this still happens:
We were also very thankful that Layla lives about 30 feet away from Kuma's, so we all trudged up to her place to rest for awhile. There was not a lot of talking; mostly groaning and mumbling. We couldn't even drink water for awhile. Eventually the others left and I passed out and had insane dreams, I'm sure. The next morning I woke up to a still-full stomach, a greasy wallet in my purse, and a view of this line to get into Kuma's for lunch. It was 11:00 am.

So what's the moral of the story, you ask? Well jeez, there doesn't always have to be a moral, you know. Relax. But in this case, there is. I heard a lot of criticism and judgement about the fact that we waited almost two hours to eat at Kuma's. But you know what? If you were with my awesome family, you wouldn't mind waiting 2 hours. Because we have fun, man! We have a good time! And sometimes you have to just calm the hell down and wait for awhile and enjoy your company, and then two hours later, you get the reward of a giant burger called The Goblin Cock. And a mac n' cheese for the table. And a wonderful story to tell.

Trust me, it was worth it.

The Pita Inn

There's a little restaurant in Skokie, IL called The Pita Inn. Oh yes, that link has music. This place is amazing. Vegan and straightedge kids, hardcore carnivores and drunks, come from far and wide to sample tastes of the smooth hummus, garlicky baba ghannouj, and succulent meats. Well, wait. The vegan kids don't eat the meat. And maybe some of the straight-edge kids don't either. Sometimes the drunks may stick to the veggie options, but other times they choose meats. Oh lord, where was I?

Sometimes when I'm visiting my family in Chicago, I get to go on a little outing to The Pita Inn with Dad. If the weather is nice, we take his red convertible. He asks me repeatedly if I'd like to drive, and after saying "no thanks" three or four times, I finally ask "Do you want me to drive?" He promptly hands me the keys and settles into the passenger seat. I drive that car like an old lady. It's just too beautiful for my regular Impatient Jackass driving.

We drive to The Pita Inn Market, which is next door to the restaurant. My father is greeted by his friend at the counter immediately; they start laughing and catching up in Arabic, and I begin wandering down the aisles. There are at least 14 types of olive oil on the shelf right underneath about ten types of honey. Some of the honey has chunks of honeycomb in the jar, but no label. Just down from there are about 30 types of jam. My eyes linger on the fig jam but I move away reluctantly, remembering the jar I already have in my refrigerator in Madison. In the back of the store is a small refrigerated case with three kinds of feta cheese (French, Greek, Bulgarian) and several types of olives. Dad's friend hands us tiny plates with samples of everything to help us decide what to get. Behind us is the shelf of nuts: pistachios, almonds, cashews, walnuts, some with spices, some plain, all taking up an entire aisle. Another aisle of the store is devoted to non-food items including tea sets, olive oil soaps, other skin products, movies, dvds, hookahs, and tobacco. You can buy a beautiful tea set for under $20.

Each shelf in the store is stuffed full with groceries and other items that you'd find at most markets, as well as certain gems that you really cannot find just anywhere. For example: preserved lemons, a special food coloring that's used for the dessert kunafa, and sesame candy, along with various chocolates I only recognize from my childhood times in Ireland. Oh, and phone cards. You can buy a ton of phone cards here. I love this place. I could stand around in the aisles for hours.

I always leave the store with bags full of wonderful groceries that I wouldn't even attempt to find in Madison. My staples are hummus and baba ghannouj and fresh-baked pillowy pita bread, but I've collected some other odds and ends on various trips. Like this one - I also got a bag full of dates and a package of lahem b'ajeen (which my parents referred to as "Arabic pizza" when I was a child to get me to eat it. Nice work, Mom and Dad!). The jar of pickles is straight from my dad though; no store can compare.
At the bottom of this picture is the lahem b'ajeen, and at the top is the hummus. Delicious.

On this most current trip, I bought some of that unmarked honey. It's delicious, and very good looking, which is always a lovely combination.

Honeycomb!
I also bought a giant bottle of Sultan olive oil because, you know, it's called Sultan. And this kind of olive oil tastes different. Better.
I always feel well-stocked after a shopping trip to the Pita Inn Market, mostly because I can do so much with just these few items. I can easily put together several diverse meals with just a few items. Meals like this are some of my favorites. Maybe it's in the same realm as One of Each; you get so many tastes and flavors, and you can combine everything just as you like it. There is something so appealing about having just a few items, but so many possibilities.

What is it about food in general though? Food is memories. Food is comfort. Food is home. Food is family. Food is definitely my family. You cannot come into my parents' home (or my aunties' homes, or my cousins' or sister's homes - it runs in the family) without being well-fed and, very likely, uncomfortably stuffed. It doesn't matter if you're not hungry. Perhaps you'll sample new and unfamiliar fruits or be treated to homemade soup, or maybe, if you're lucky, get an entire meal complete with cousins, upwards of seven meats, zillions of sides, people stealing off your plate, and perhaps even a rendition of the family song. Eating, sitting around the table together, it's all so important and critical. Food is huge.

This past Sunday comes to mind. I eat brunch with my family in the backyard of my parents' home. As we finish our fried eggs and bangers and rashers (irish breakfast meats - sausages and bacon, basically), we sit in the sun, chatting, and my father, without breaking the conversation, hands me a small piece of Arabic bread with cheese and tomatoes stuffed inside. I take it wordlessly and eat it; the perfect ending to a lovely family breakfast, My Lovely Family breakfast. Irish and Iraqi, all in one. It's perfect and natural and delicious.

Yes, the food is delicious, and yes, this is a very important factor in deciding what to eat because, you know, you should eat delicious things. But there is also that little spark of culture and history and family, all wrapped up in a couple of food items. The need to connect somehow when I feel homesick. And this homesickness is not about Chicago as a city. When I'm homesick for Chicago, I turn on WBBM NewsRadio 78. We get totally clear reception up here. I listen to the traffic report on the 8's and it makes me smile with a little pang in my heart. But this other homesickness, this is about my family, and being homesick for them, for sitting around a table and my dad passing me olives at the end of a meal, and for my mom making the most delicious foods from both sides of our world, which is no easy feat.

And so, tonight's dinner: spoonfuls of hummus and baba ghannouj with sliced tomato, greek feta cheese, olives, and warm pita bread. So many items! So many combinations! So many sexy results!
Maybe tomato and cheese inside the bread.
Or perhaps a tomato dipped in baba ghannouj.
How about a single, perfect olive? How about 12 of them? Because that's how many I ate.

And as for dessert...I'm not huge on dessert-y things right now, but I did find the perfect, tiny bite - Turkish Delights! I remember tasting these at parties when I was younger and knowing they tasted funny, but also knowing it was a good funny. Like, "let me get a couple more of those" funny. They're usually flavored in lemon, mint, or rose, which is actually flavored with rose water.

Okay, I'm going to go try to fry an egg like my mother can. Please understand if I or anybody else in my family tries to feed you all the time. It's probably because we love you.

Family Story Six: We Taste Meat, Cheese, and Beer.

On March 7th, 2010, my L'il Brudder Emil sent an email to our family listserve inviting us all to purchase a Groupon for a meat, cheese, and beer tasting at a bar in Chicago. Yes, we have a family listserve. And yes we will most likely engage in any group activity having to do with food and drink. And I know you didn't ask this question, but yes, when we attend an event at your establishment, we will descend upon you like a swarm of hungry vultures surrounding a wounded animal, and we will attack your food-related products like a lion taking down a gazelle. Okay, so I just compared my family to wild animals and Animal Planet specials. We sort of are like wild animals. But with cute shoes and well-manicured eyebrows. And usually, a lot of charm and wit.

Anyhow, 55 emails and 115 days later, several of us had bought the Groupon and found a time to meet up. Also, "several" means "12 - 14." With this in mind, Emil smartly called Villain's (the bar that was hosting this Groupon event) ahead of time to let them know that we had 7 people who had purchased the Groupon and 5 or more others that would be coming along to either participate in the meat and cheese tasting, or to have something else to eat and drink. Very thoughtful, Emil, especially since we'd planned it for the Friday night before July 4th, which is the same weekend as the Taste of Chicago and about a zillion other events. You see, we plan ahead.

Unfortunately, when we arrived at Villain's, we were informed that the Groupon deal was not available on this particular weekend because of the potential busyness spilling over from the Taste of Chicago. We were told this news as we looked around the bar and counted about 8 other patrons. Um...yeah. Emil got pissed, and rightfully so, since he'd talked to the guy the day before to let him know we were coming in. While he argued with the manager, I took the opportunity to go out front and sweet-talk Nick the Bouncer who we'd chatted with on our way in. And this bouncer subsequently became the star of the night. Within about 6 seconds of me mentioning (nicely) that they weren't going to honor the Groupon, Nick had run inside to "take care of it." See now, that's what I like to hear. "I'll take care of it." "Forget about it, it's done." "I'll make sure one falls off the back of a truck." I love this way of doing things!

Anyhow, long story slightly shorter, Nick saved the day and somehow convinced the manager and the chef to do the Groupon deal, and everybody was happy again. See, sometimes you have to ignore the manager and go straight to the bouncer. Bouncers get things done. My favorite part of it was when Mladenka, Emil's girlfriend, turned to my brother and exclaimed, "See! Reem was very nice and sweet and she got what she wanted! You have to be sweet!" Thanks, Mladenka. Sometimes, my charm works. And sometimes it results in the family getting to taste meat, cheese, and beer. (DISCLAIMER: Emil is plenty sweet. I was just sweeter in this particular situation. Mostly because the bouncer was totally fine and I was feelin' flirtatious).

Here are the brave 7 of us (Layla is hiding in the back) who participated in the tasting. You can see the 5 servings of beer placed in front of each person. Doesn't it look nice and organized?
Here's a close up. Guess what! I have no idea what any of them are. But you can pick out a random five from Villain's beer list and pretend those are they.
And here is the meat and cheese! I have to believe that there would usually be a bit more to it all. Because, to be honest, this platter seemed a bit half-assed. Especially for what would usually cost $47 (we paid $20 each with the Groupon). I mean, I know it's only supposed to be a tasting, but...it was definitely lacking a bit. The extra touch of almonds or macademia nuts or whatever they were tossed sloppily on top seemed last-minute and a bit desperate. The portions were little. But maybe it's just different because I'm used to Wisconsin and to put it bluntly, people know how to eat here. EAT. In capital letters. See family, you'd love it here.
Another view of the platters. It was pretty hilarious to see seven of these spread across the table, along with 35 small beers. Oh, by the way, the beer was totally worth it. Especially since nobody liked the darkest beer in the middle and I got two "bonuses" of that one. Totally worth it!
One of my favorite parts of tastings is the tiny utensils that come with. Tiny things! Look at this little wiener spreader/knife!
There was this one thing on the platter that wasn't meat or cheese. Consensus decided it was a sort of apricot jam, but it wasn't of the regular jam consistency. It was more like a thick, really soft and almost melting fruit roll up. Appetizing, eh? It confused me.
After the first three or so beers, we started getting creative. This here is some meat with some cheese on it (oh lord, I don't remember what any of these are) and a green olive, sliced up and placed on top.
And this, thanks to Shadi, is my favorite combination of the night: some kind of prosciutto paired with a soft white cheese and a tater tot on top! Can you tell that we were several beers in by this point?
Absolutely delicious, and by far, one of the classier moments of the evening.
After finishing our tasting, we executed the successful tactic of leaving the establishment before they start to hate us. This only happens some of the time; the opposite has definitely occurred plenty of times, and I like to think that some of us try and avoid it now. Emil and I gave hugs and huge props to Nick, the lovely bouncer, who saved the entire night for us!
And, to top off one classy night, Shadi wore a helmet in the front seat of Layla's car for the entire ride to the next bar.
There he is, the classy gentleman.
And, to bring it all together:

Hell yes. A classy night had by all, thanks to food and drink, a lovely bouncer, a charming attitude, cousins, and a helmet. Good job, family.