Tuesday, April 29, 2008

why it all rules.

Tara asked me tonight why I hadn't written a blog in so long. I guess what's happening is I have a billion things to write but they're all disconnected and have little to do with one another. So if you all don't mind, I'm going to go ahead and write you a list of all the things I wanted to tell you. Oh the hilarity. Get ready, bitches.

*This weekend in Chicago, my family celebrated an early Mother's Day at a fancy french restaurant called Chez Joel. It's owned by these handsome Moroccan brothers, one of whom (probably my future husband, even though he's married, waa waa) is named Sufjan. Sexy. Anyhow, the food was delicious. The giant bottle of wine was delicious. And my father was drunk. He was hilarious; right before dessert, he stated "I'm going to try to stand up now," wobbled towards the bathroom, and waved his fingers at the waiter who stood aside to let him by. I can only imagine what he may have said to him. Plus, earlier in the evening, he was trying to think of the word for Metrosexual and could only come up with "Sexopolitan." That's right. Sexopolitan.

*I ask my grandfather in Arabic how he's doing, and he responds, in Arabic "better than you." In English, I ask him why, to which he replies "because the sky is high." In English. He then laughs like Dr. Hibbert.

*This morning as I'm driving to the west side, I stop at the red light at Mineral Point and Grand Canyon Drive. A man rides by on a bicycle. He looks like a pretty regular bike rider...one pant leg tucked into his sock, helmet on his head. Oh, except he's about 80 years old and has a long beard that looks like this, and he's smoking a pipe. A pipe, guys! On a bike! Stupendous.

*I go to the Car Care Clinic to get an oil change and some other work done. As I wait, I read People Magazine, duh. I have gossip to catch up on. As I read the diet secrets of today's hottest celebs, something catches my eye. This:

Oh my effing god. Romaine lettuce. Juice made from romaine lettuce? Are you for real? Don't get me wrong...I love and want the Jack Lalanne Juicer as much as the next guy, but romaine lettuce? Can you even imagine what that would taste like? Lettuce juice? Ugh. Barf city.

*We found a new family song. I believe it's called "Rock and Roll Part 2" and it was written by Gary Glitter. We decided that if, at any time, any member of the family starts singing the chorus (it goes like "danana NANANANANA!" you know what I'm talking about), everybody else has to stop what they're doing and respond with "HEY!" It's required from now on. Rules is rules, my friends. That's just how it goes. Fortunately, the rules were followed at our Easter dinner. In addition, Emil managed to recreate the guitar solo using only his mouth and his air guitar skills, and Sara managed to record the whole thing. You've got to see this.

*Emil dressed up like a foreign exchange student, but not on purpose.
*Luai made himself one tiny egg-shaped boob.
*And Sara finally earned her very first Certificate of Participation in Mario Party 6.
Well done, everybody. Well done.


Tara said...

About time, I was honestly concerned! Also you hadn't commented on any of my blogs, it was stressful yet I was more concerned about whether or not you were watching Law and Order. Anyway, that romaine lettuce remark made me vomit a little. sick. I'm gonna go throw my orange peels and banana peels in a blender for lunch, see ya.

reem tara said...

Sick, Tara. That's sick.

Sara Ashes said...

i really don't need to do anything anymore, since you've clearly got it all covered here. :) this is a masterpiece!

Sara Ashes said...

also, I would describe Dad's gesture at the waiter more of a "waggle" than a "wave" of the fingers. And he had a little smile.

reem tara said...

oh jeez, am I ever glad you responded, Sara. I didn't actually see the waggle. You were the only one who witnessed the greatness of the waggle. And thank god you did...