Monday, November 29, 2010

Tis The Season to Post Old Blogs and Meet My Goal of Four Per Month

I'll be honest - when I saw those first couple of snowflakes today, I smiled. Although I'm no fan of snow, I do really like this time of year. Mostly it's because of, you know, The Season. I've been listening to Christmas music for a solid week and a half already. The great thing about two different radio stations being all-Christmas all the time is that if a crappy, i.e. James Taylor, Christmas song comes on, you've always got another option. And if both options suck, you can always put on the Throwback Lunch and hear Regulate.

I was looking back at my myspace blog as I contemplated (lazily, without any action) archiving it all, and I came across several Christmas-related blogs I'd written. Several meaning, like, a lot. Most of them from 2007, because I guess I was the most Christmassy that year. I really get into Christmas. So, I thought I'd resurrect (OH MAN) some of the writing and hopefully rope in some of you to my spirit of the season. Something like that. Here ya go:

Please ignore the poor capitalization and probably some curse words. Oh, how I've grown up...

okay. so if you know me in any way that's important at all, you probably know how much i love christmas. i mean for real, i absolutely love it. i know not everybody agrees with me, so here are some of the reasons i love the holiday season. maybe it'll inspire you to love it a little more. or, maybe you'll stay in your sad little shell of holiday hatred. whatever. i don't care...

*the oldies station plays christmas music 24 hours a day. even if you don't like christmas music, the chance of hearing aaron neville on the radio increases exponentially. you can't tell me that's not an incredible reason to appreciate the holidays.

*another radio-related get to hear "the sexy christmas carols." this title was created by my brilliant brother emil last december. it refers to songs like "rockin' around the xmas tree," "santa baby," "jingle bell rock," the jazzy version of "white christmas," and "santa claus is coming to town" sung by bruce springsteen (you can hear him laughing in the middle of the chorus. how adorable). the sexy christmas carols really make the season what it is, you know?

*christmas lights.

*the festival of lights at olin park in madison. there are all these businesses that sponsor "light sculptures" which are pretty half-assed, really, but still great. i go about twice a week to drive around the park looking at a santa golfing, a penguin ice skating, a dragon acting gay, or an elf-looking kid running down the stairs. this year, i pledge to include booze in this trip more often.

*i can use my new catch phrase. it works mostly if i've been at the drink for several hours. basically what i do is have a glass in my hand, preferably a martini glass, and hold it up and let a lot of it slosh about, whilst saying "TIS THE SEASON." just a note, "TIS THE SEASON" can be followed by "bitches" or "assholes," and the sloshing can be replaced by ice cubed tinkling in a highball glass. either way, i'll probably spill a lot.

*presents. i'll always be a kid about presents. sorry. materialism.

*cookies. baking cookies. decorating cookies. eating cookies. duh.

*the birth of our one and only lord jesus h. christ.

*wassail. its kind of sweet, but its tasty.

*family time. especially because this year it will involved hours of guitar hero three, played on HARD, bitches, cuz i'm so talented, AND the karaoke celebration party. AND my parents will play both games. not well, but they'll play.

still hate the holidays? maybe you should be hanging out with me more often. sorry you're such a sucker. also sorry if i've been a jerk. i may be channeling delicious food a bit at the moment. oh passive-aggression, how i love thee.

I thought of some more reasons for the season. there may be more soon. make sure you check back often. anyhow:

*at java detour (the drive through coffee place on east washington in madison), they put these little stickers over the mouth hole of hot drinks. well, at the holidays, the stickers get way cute; snowmen, candy canes, and tiny mittens! you can also decorate the inside of your car with these stickers. totals sexy.

*there are actually THREE radio stations that play christmas music! one is "Lite 107.3" which plays the cheesier music. today I heard aaron neville twice. how bout it.

*when i leave work at 9 pm, i turn all the lights off but the christmas lights stay on.

*i constantly have a slightly fluttering feeling in my stomach. tummy. gut. crap factory. as hilarious as i am, come on...that was touching.

so basically, if you're anybody who's anybody, you read my blog, you subscribe to my cannot wait for my next blog to be written. and such and such. right? after all, i am kind of known as madison' own Gossip Girl (yes, akin to the CW's Gossip Girl) and am probably most people's main source of both information and entertainment. Um...if you're not one of these people, you might want to go ahead and subscribe to my blog right now and pretend like you've been a reader all along. it will most likely be better for you socially.

you loyal readers (and millions of fans), most likely remember a few blogs ago when i wrote about how much i love the holidays. one of my top reasons was because of my new catch phrase, "tis the season." as you probably recall, it is mostly used when consuming cocktails and being charming, as my life goes about 45% of the time lately. fantastic. Anyhow, I ran into one mr. shane at monty's yesterday who informed me that he has been saying "tis the season" for awhile as well, and says it frequently, and at extremely opportune times. to shane, i give a high five of solidarity, sister, and encourage you to do the same. not only high five shane, but let's get going on this catch phrase! spread it round, fools, and help to make those who are less fortunate than you and i (in awesomeness) a little more joyous. it can be your holiday charity/volunteer work that your mom asks you to do instead of getting her a present.

already, people and businesses around the country are contributing to the greater use of "tis the season." in fact, in a conversation with my sister, aka Lady Sara of Haute-lanta, she informed me of several emails she's recently received that do use our favorite holiday phrase. here are some that she shared with me:

Tis the season to earn holiday rewards! (Best Buy)
Tis the season to save on holiday shipping (Target)
Tis the drink coffee! (Starbucks...BOOOOOO! booo to starbucks)
Tis the season to be greeting (Costco). huh? maybe it was written by a foreigner.
Tis the season to read mystery novels and drink hot chocolate! (from her local indy bookstore),
to which I replied
tis the season to curl up in a semi-modern armchair and read this month's issue of "Out" magazine

This got me thinking. If any old d-bag can send out some mass email with MY catch phrase in it, what else night be out there in the world? So i did a little research. and here are some of the things i found:

Tis the season for coupon codes!
Tis the season for controversy.
Tis the season to understand the ploys of persuasion.
Tis the season for drinking and driving.
Tis the season to deck the halls with December's critter...
Tis the season to be careful if you're buying Packers tickets.
Tis the season for parades, decorating and goodwill Main streets throughout Pickens County...
Tis the season to be nudie!
Tis the season to Photoshop Santa Claus hats onto everything.
Tis the season to shop for just the right gift card.
Tis the season to be a Marvel fan, as the Marvel Holiday Special dashes into stores with ...
and my personal favorite...
Tis the season to get stuffed with gratin ( If you're curious, click)

As you can see, others have absolutely NO qualms about using the greatest catch phrase in the world to their advantage. i suggest you do the same. Here are a few that I created, mostly that relate to my personal and work life at the moment. Just in time for the season:

Tis the season to not be a total d-bag.
Tis the season to eat a taco or burger with me tonight.
Tis the season to wear something tight.
Tis the season to take a shower.
Tis the season to buy a girl an effing drink.
Tis the season to dig my car out of the snow while I watch from inside.
Tis the season to let me watch your television because mine broke and all I do anymore is write blogs.

Tis the Season Blog - 2008

Woooo! Christmas! Tis the season, um, gentlemen. See how polite I've become in the last three years? Wow.


Anna said...

Aw Geeze, Reem - tis the season to love you a lot more!

Elizabeth Caudy said...

Hilarious, as usual... and it reminded me of why this really is a great season. I'm going to take a page out of your book and write my own why-I-love Christmas entry (maybe) reading your cheered me up, I was feeling kind of blah, so imagine how much fun I'll have writing my own! :) (Of course I won't plagiarize yours in any way... we all have our own diverse and unique reasons for feeling good around the holidays :)