STYX and Larry Sweeney - One Magical Night

Doesn't that make it sound like Prom? "Prom '96: One Magical Night." But dudes, for real...it really was. Way more magical than my actual prom night, which was mostly spent at a truck stop called The Full Moon Cafe on Highway 41 in northeastern Illinois.

I feel I need to start with Larry Sweeney. Larry is an old friend of mine who I've been in and out of touch with for the last twelve or so years. Fortunately, we're fully back in touch now, and plan to stay that way. We've been nurturing our relationship with good talks, palm readings, and, obviously, rocking live music. Last August, Larry and I went to see Alice Cooper in Hammond, Indiana. I'm not sure what to say about that, except for the following points:

*It was in a casino
*Larry's dad came along
*Alice Cooper killed a baby on stage
*It was pretty incredible

So Larry, being the go-getter he is, calls me up a few weeks ago and proposes the idea of going to see Styx. Now, I've seen Styx twice before, and both times were amazing, but I knew this time would be different. Instead of seeing this wondrous band in a big field in the classy city of Beloit, Wisconsin, we'd be attending the show at a theater in illustrious Waukegan, Illinois. How could I say no to this? Also, Larry Sweeney is known to raise the bar...I knew this would be a night I would not soon forget.

Thank effing god I went. Styx is amazing. I know about a billion people who like to make fun of me for liking Styx (Example A: Schabow, who, when we lived together, put on his own music turned up louder than my Styx at a party we had. Damn...that cut deep, Schabow), but really, they rule an incredible amount. Never mind that they are all close to my father's age and their hairstyles, which were once rocking and sexy, now look slightly weird. Never mind the fact that they are playing an identical set list to what I heard them play nearly three years ago. Never mind that one song "Show Me the Way" - they didn't even play it! This band rocks. And you should try and see them at some point.

Here are some highlights of the night. I forgot my camera, as usual, so these pictures from my phone will have to suffice:

*Larry's friend Cary got us seats in the second row, right in the center. The only people in front of us were "The Accounts Receivable Department," a bunch of 40-something ladies Larry nicknamed who were screaming and carrying on and catching guitar picks right and left. The members of Styx were definitely playing it up in front of these wild ladies - making eyes, winking, even mouthing "love you" to one of them. Scandalous!

*There was a lot of "THANK YOU WAUKEGAN!!!" and stuff like this to remind us where we were. There was also a pice of paper in front of the mic stands that, in a giant font, said WAUKEGAN, ILLINOIS and then underneath, MERRILVILLE, INDIANA to remind Styx of where they were. When they said they were heading to Merrilville next, the crowd booed a lot. Larry explained how towns always hate the other towns close to them. I thought that was pretty hilarious - to boo Merrilville. I'd boo because Merrilville is close to Gary, which smells like an actual butt. But that's just me.

*James Young, founding member, guitarist, and singer, makes the most insane Guitar Face I've ever seen. He also makes Vocal Face. I wish you could see this picture better so I wouldn't have to explain - his giant white teeth were unbelievable.



At one point, Larry turned to me and said "This guy is like a cross between Jon Voigt and..." I didn't let him finish. "GARY BUSEY!" I exclaimed! We giggled a lot.

*Although Dennis DeYoung (who I saw play Pontious Pilate in a production of Jesus Christ, Superstar when I was sixteen) is no longer in the band, Styx did not pussyfoot around when finding his replacement. I assume they traveled to a magical land, or to the end of a rainbow or something, because the man they found to sing the high parts and play keyboards was definitely...well...elf-ish. Not like the language in The Lord of the Rings. I mean he looked and acted like an actual elf. A tiny, feathery-haired, pervy elf. His silver skinny tie perfectly matched his pointy (yes, pointy) silver shoes. He leapt and pranced around the stage like a little sprite, spreading the magic of music. Or something. But he'd also do these totally gross moves where he'd put one leg all up high and thrust his pelvis in the air. His keyboard spun around, and he'd play with his hands behind his back, winking and mouthing "OH YEAH" at the crowd. Specifically the Accounts Receivable Department. There was a lot of screaming...



Here is another picture of that illusive elfin wizard. I think he must have been singing "Come Sail Away" at this point, judging from his arm, thrown out expressively...


Here's a picture of the bass player, not an original member, but a great addition to the band nonetheless. Larry noted that his haircut didn't look authentic enough. He was trying too hard.



Here's Jon Voigt/Gary Busy, partying down.


And another...I couldn't get enough of this guy. Damn weirdo...


This is the whole band. That's Jon/Gary second from the left, and Tommy Shaw (only other original member) right next to him. Tommy Shaw was brilliant - he was hilarious and entertaining, and when he said stuff like "We're having so much fun, Waukegan, we wish we didn't have to leave you!" I actually believed him.


What else...they sang almost everything I could have hoped for. They don't seem to play Mr. Roboto anymore, I think because of some weirdness with Dennis DeYoung in the past, and the fact that the rest of the band hated the song and this perhaps led to them breaking up...? But really, they sound amazing, they look...well, pretty alright. This was definitely my best Styx experience thus far. Seeing it in Rockegan (Waukegan dudes, come on!) was a big part of it. Seeing it with Larry was a huge part of it.

Go see Styx. Go see Larry Sweeney. Come on, I'm going (next Saturday)! Check all the Larry links on this blog - I worked hard on this. I'm doing you all a favor, seriously. Just go.

ADDENDUM!
I just received a comment from Dixie, who found my blog, and had been sitting right in front of Larry and I at this very show! She took amazing pictures, so if you'd like to see some where the faces are actually clear, check them out here. Seriously, amazing pictures.

And just so Dixie knows, the Accounts Receivable Department was actually the group of ladies to her left. I promise, I wasn't making fun!

Better Than All The Rest

I have never put my finger on exactly what it is about Tina Turner that made me feel so drawn to her. I remember the first time I ever heard her. When we were kids, we had this video tape of all the Grammy nominated songs from the year and their videos. Sara, you're going to have to help me remember here, but I know it included "Beat It" by Michael Jackson, "Material Girl" by Madonna, "Let's Go Crazy" by Prince, "Hello" by Lionel Richie, "I Just Called to Say I Love You" by Stevie Wonder, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper, and some boring some by Chicago. We would always fast forward that one.

Also included on the list was the one and only "What's Love Got to Do With It." It had to have been in 1984 - what a great year for music! I was either four or five years old then, and given that I don't really remember much from when I was a kid, I find it pretty remarkable that I remember this videotape as well as I do. It must have been because of Tina...or maybe because Sara and I watched it twice a day for years...

I remember her miniscule leather skirt and her jean jacket, and her hair. Oh god, her hair. I remember the effing twirl she did on the bridge when she walked past that one guy. I remember when she balled her fists in that video. I remember how her voice sounded gentler when she sang "sweet old-fashioned notion." I loved her so much. I think about it now, and I realize that I absolutely wanted to be Tina Turner.



Some time later, I saw the video for "We Don't Need Another Hero," yes, the one from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. It's hilarious to me now, but at the time, it terrified me for some reason. Maybe it was her long white wig, or those insane giant earrings. It couldn't have been that haunting, brilliant tune, could it? But yes, I was terrified. Yet still transfixed on Tina...



Tina has definitely been in my life since then, but not as much in the forefront. In the summer of 2005, however, my friend Lia helped me resurrect my love for her via a synchronized swimming routine done to the song Simply The Best. I'm not quite sure how it all came together, but I'll credit Lia's impressive resume of choreography and 6 plus years of jazz and tap, along with my ability to do a handstand under water. We had a complete routine with moves that complimented the lyrics. When Tina sang the word "heart," we put our hands over our hearts. When she stated that she would "hang on every word you say" I jumped on Lia's back and she swam me around. When Tina sings "Baby, I would rather be dead," yes, you guessed it. We did the Dead Man's Float. Genius. We rocked that shit.

So when my mother called me about 5 months ago to tell me that Tina was going on tour and would be playing in Chicago, I didn't really have a choice. I set my alarm for a Saturday morning and got online and bought us tickets. Me and moms. Seeing Tina Turner. Unbelievable.

The show was insane. I stupidly did not sneak my camera in, so here is what I got on my phone. They're not all that impressive, but you can see both her and her image on the giant screen on some. On others, she's being raised up on a platform...








My mother was adorable. It was her first big concert ever! She kept turning to me with her mouth wide open, hugging me and throwing one arm around my shoulders as we danced together. We made friends with everybody around us, especially the people in front of us, who, fortunately, were not the Kings of Douchebaggery that my sister recently encountered. These guys...they were more queenish than kingish...beautiful. We both wore earplugs, but she kept turning to me and exclaiming that she could "feel the music" in her heart. I could have cried. I may cry right now.

One thing that's kind of off the subject is that it was totally the night of celebrities. Previous to the show, we met my father, Emil, and Mladenka at Lago for dinner (go there and get tortellini with meat sauce...omg). It was packed there, with a ton of people watching the White Sox game, including...Julia Stiles! Hilarious. Then at the concert, there was a big ruckus near the front of the floor. "Oprah's here, Oprah's here!" people were exclaiming. And there she was! With good old Steadman, who just looked confused for the whole night. And THEN! During the intermission, there was yet another big commotion near one of the skyboxes. "It's probably effing Tom Cruise or something," I say sarcastically to my mother. "Actually, it is Tom Cruise!" says the guy selling beer in the aisle. "He's up there with Oprah!" And there he was, giving high fives, waving, jumping over chairs...basically acting like a crazy person. What a boner.

Anyhow, back to Tina. She played for a good 45 minutes, took a half hour break, and then came back and played for over an hour. She played everything I had hoped for, including covers of "Jumpin' Jack Flash," "Addicted to Love" by Robert Palmer, and a beautiful, acoustic rendition of "Help" by The Beatles. It actually made me like The Beatles a little bit! And that's rare. She did "I Can't Stand the Rain," and "Better Be Good to Me," and did a 20 minute version of "Nutbush City Limits" as an encore. She had about 7 costume changes, four backup dancers, a full band, backup singers, and people doing capoeira on stage. Platforms rose up fifteen feet in the air and went over the audience while she danced like a crazy woman. Her voice was magnificent. She sang with passion and love and power, dancing around the giant stage and way more than holding her own with the dancers who were probably 45 years her junior. Even when she was sitting during the few acoustic songs, her legs were moving; feet tapping on the ground, legs swinging...how could she stay still with a voice like that? And when she sang "Proud Mary," I was immediately humbled. Never in my life did I think I'd witness that. It was magical and historical and meant the world to me.

So what is it, then, about Tina Turner? Yes, she's a phenomenon. Yes, she's the only 68 year old I've ever heard of, besides maybe Jack Lalanne, who is able to move like that. But there's got to be something else...Maybe it's the fact that I would probably wear everything she has in her wardrobe. She mostly wears black with a ton of silver glitter. That's my look, man! Its my favorite combination ever! Or maybe it's that she does stuff I'm afraid to do, like wear wigs. I'm sort of terrified of wearing a wig. Maybe it's because, and I say this without an ounce of sarcasm, because I really mean it, she is a survivor, and I need some of those ladies to look up to. 

Or maybe, just maybe, it's the fact that she has expressed in her lyrics everything I've ever wanted to say to a dude. "Be tender with me, baby," is what I mean to say. "You better, you better be good to me. I don't need another hero..." Yeah, that's probably it. From now on, I'm taking my inspiration from Tina Turner lyrics. Don't be surprised when I tell you that I'll accept deutchmarks or dollars for my private dancing. I'll do it.

I knew where I was...I was in the jungle baby.

So. Thursday nights, eh? Thursday nights are good nights. There are always shows, or parties, or special cheap drink deals. And on Thursday nights, I'm usually pretty tired after a ten hour work day. There has to be something really spectacular going on for me to go out. Tonight, that thing was Appetite For Destruction, a Guns n' Roses cover band. 

Yes, I worked a lot today. And yes, it's been another exhausting week. And yes, no, whatever, I had nobody to go with (what the hell is your problem, everybody?). And yes, it started pouring rain outside. But how could I not go? This is the fake version of my favorite band ever in the world, playing at the Majestic, a club I've been meaning to check out when it's not like 18 and over dance night, and I can't miss that.

Slowly but surely, I started to receive signs. My friend Shane called and said he was going. I remembered I had free tickets waiting for me, courtesy of the wonderful dane101, and even my mother encouraged me to go. "Comb your hair and put on a little lipstick and go have fun" was her exact advice, actually. And so I went. And thank effing god I did.

I've seen a few GNR cover bands. I remember being 22 and going to see one in Addison, Illinois, with Sam, my boyfriend at the time. We were both huge GNR fans, and we drove almost an hour to this shitty roadhouse-type bar in the middle of nowhere and waited around for an hour, getting wasted on whiskey and sneaking out to the parking lot to make out. This band was called Night Train, I think, as I'm sure many GNR cover bands are named. "Axl" came out in tiny bike shorts and a bandana and I fell in love, much to the dismay of Sam. Slash was a little too tall and skinny, and the rest of the band wasn't even dressed up (what the eff dudes?), but goddamn. They played the shit out of those songs. And a few songs into the set, I had enough whiskey in me to believe that maybe I was really watching Axl perform. In Addison, Illinois. Yeah.

The second GNR cover band I saw was called Rocket Queen. I was fortunate enough to see this band in Hotlanta with my sister Sara and cousin Layla the night before the infamous annual Halloween party. We were also in the company of a POISON cover band, Fallen Angel, who opened the show. We began to do it up, as per usual when any members of the family get together; shots, drinks, beers, shots, beers...you know. By the time Rocket Queen got on stage, we'd been at the drink for quite some time and were probably about 60 sheets to the wind. Because of this, a lot of the details of this show are hazy. I do remember a couple of things...first of all, "Axl" was a woman. She was a badass. She even hit the low notes in Mr. Brownstone. Hell yeah. Secondly, I remember "Slash" drinking from a bottle of Jack Daniels that he kept onstage at his feet. Not one to miss a single moment of opportunity, I grabbed the bottle during a guitar solo, took a few swigs, and passed it on to my lady partners in crime. The rest of the night is a mystery to me.

The next night, at the Halloween party, all I drank was water. I was dying for people to leave by 11 pm. Layla, in the midst of a very lovely conversation with a handsome man, yawned the biggest yawn I've ever seen, right in his face. And earlier in the day, I think one of us may have vomited at Burger King. I won't say who. But I'm pretty sure it happened.

Anyhow. This is getting long. Okay, so last night, I saw yet another GNR cover band: Appetite for Destruction. These names are so unoriginal! Sara and I have an idea already for our GNR cover band. I can't tell you until I okay it with her. Appetite for Destruction at least looked the part. Axl was incredibly spot on. Even his face looked like the real Axl. He wore a red kilt and backwards baseball cap, as well as the "Charlie Don't Surf" t-shirt and those Nike high top sneakers. Awesome. And real hair too! Slash was pretty good...he smiled a little too much for me (one time was too much...Slash doesn't smile!), but his guitar playing was unbelievable. The solos were impeccable.  Duff was fantastic, but maybe only like 2 inches taller than me. Izzy was perfect. And then there was the drummer. Yes, they introduced him as Steven "Popcorn" Adler, but honestly, he looked more like a monkey-faced, skinny-ass Matt Sorum. Go ahead and call me a nerd...I take this shit seriously, and it's my effing blog. Eat it.


They played a pretty great set of songs. They started with "Night Train," "It's So Easy," "Don't Cry," and "Out to Get Me." The music was tight as hell, and the vocals were pretty right on. I nearly lost my mind when Axl started singing the lyrics "you're crazy bitch, but you fuck so good I'm on top of it." Is he about to sing fucking Buckcherry? Is he for real? Oh wait, no. He's just introducing the slow version of "You're Crazy." Don't worry. That was it.

They played most of what I wanted to hear. Unfortunately there was no piano onstage, hence no November Rain. I really kind of thought this would have been the night where my fantasy was to be fulfilled. You know, the one where the GNR cover band is onstage and has somehow forgotten how to play the piano part of November Rain, and they look out into the crowd and say "Is there anybody out there that knows how to play November Rain on the piano?" And I slowly raise my hand and say "I...I do!" And then I rock and they all fall in love with me. 

The crowd was weird as hell. But, you know, Guns N' Roses brings all sorts of people together. That's just how it goes. Shane got a couple of videos of the crowd, which I'll put up later. There were some people in their early 20s grinding up on each other and booty dancing during "Sweet Child of Mine." There was a group of 5 or 6 guys who were moshing and pushing each other during "Paradise City," but were also kind of giving each other backrubs at the same time. There were a select few men kind of standing by themselves, playing air guitar from time to time. One douchebag wore a Metallica shirt which, if you know anything, was a total faux pas. And then, of course, there was that one guy who hangs out the Annex who kind of looks like Slash, but kind of foreign, and asks for coke all the time. You know he was there...how could he not be? 

I'd say the most hilarious part of the night is when I recognized the opening strains of "Get in the Ring," a song from Use Your Illusion II. In this song, Axl challenges several individuals, including various publishers of magazines who are "printing lies, starting controversy," to "get in the ring" so he can kick their bitchy little asses. And they actually covered that one. I don't know...I just couldn't really take it seriously after that.

Regardless. I don't think I'll ever miss seeing a GNR cover band. In fact, one of my favorite new bands, Yeasayer, was playing with Man Man at the High Noon a few blocks away, and a bunch of my friends were there, but that wasn't even an option. Go to a cooler club with two great bands and friends? No thanks, there's a fake band playing over here. I'm all set.