old lady who puts used kleenex up her sleeve for later

i think vodka gives me heartburn. i am an old lady. gin makes me black out and vodka gives me heartburn. i'm destined to drink amaretto sours and white wine spritzers for the rest of my life. and a lime rickey maybe. does that even have booze in it? will i ever be cool again? jeez...

old lady.

the other morning i looked out the window onto my deck and saw a squirrel trying to get into my garbage. without a second thought i rapped on the window with my knuckles and yelled "git outta here, you!" no, really. i yelled those words. to a squirrel. through a closed window. that's a fucking old lady if i've ever seen one.

i guess the old lady thing also comes into play when i realize the music i have been enjoying lately is christmas music, and that i told lee that his band was "awful noisy."

also, the other day i complained that all of my earrings were too big.