ARE YOU READY TO LAUGH!??!?!

A year or two ago I made a blog that consisted solely of internet pages and videos that made me laugh. The purpose of this collection was to make me chill the hell out when I wake up crabby. I haven't exactly been crabby for the last ten days...no, more so exhausted, tense, sad, confused, crazy-lady, delirious, achy, hysterical...and I haven't even spent the night in the Capitol yet (Props to Shane in that video - nice job getting "nestier," my friend)! With all that's going on, it's been a challenge to remember to take good care of myself, take breaks, not overdo things, and not become consumed. It's really difficult. So, with the goal of being a well-balanced person once again, I give you...

MORE HILARIOUS INTERNET THINGS!!!

Those of you at the Capitol night and day, I strongly salute your badass-ness and hardcore-ity, and sincerely dedicate this to you. You're doing amazing things, and for that, we all thank you times a zillion. So much respect. Now, if you feel so inclined, take a couple minute break and have a laugh!

If you read my last entry on hilarious internet thingies, you probably noticed my affinity for voiceovers. Yeah, well...they're funny. For example, have you heard of Randall's Animals?
The honey badger is definitely the most hilarious by far, but I also suggest watching The Jesus Christ Lizard, The Gross and Disgusting American Bullfrog, and The Gang of Flamingos one. You know what? Eff it, watch them all. Every single one.

Okay, once you've watched all of Randall's videos, why don't you come on over to one of my favorite websites called Totally Looks Like? This is basically a site of things/people that look like other things/people. Yep. That's it. Check this genius move - Cee Lo Green totally looks like Raphael (my favorite Ninja Turtle - ooh, that temper!):The whole website is pretty genius. Have a lookie!

Okay, let's get back to videos. Ever heard of Legion of Rock Stars? Um...it's basically more voiceovers. But with popular songs!
I cannot hear "Mother" in a regular way anymore. I can't even sing along to it because all I remember is this hilarious version. I also highly recommend The Lion Sleeps Tonight and I'm On Fire by Bruce Springsteen. Oh god, Bruce, I'm so sorry!

Let's see, what else is hilarious? Oh, I know. Go to google images. Google "smiling dogs." Tell me what you think of that! Here's a sneak peek, in case my mere suggestion doesn't entice you enough:

Yeah. That's what I thought.

Now, this next one isn't exactly hilarious, but it may very well leave you laughing with joy! Check out Bel Biv Devoe's brief reunion on Jimmy Fallon here. Oh BBV, you totally get it.

Back to hilarity. Here's a picture of Dawson from Dawson's Creek crying:

Poor guy.

This next one will probably take you a little while, so maybe it can be saved for a more substantial break. Go to Yearbook Yourself and upload some pictures of your damn face, and watch yourself travel through the decades. Oh lord. I'm such a sucker for these things. If you don't have time to do your own, you can just check out some of my albums (you probably have to be my facebook friend and signed in to view these. It's worth it, dudes). Here's a good example:
Yep, that's my siblings and I in Chess Club. Classy times.

Hey, there's always trailers for legitimate movies! Like Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, starring, who else, Lorenzo Lamas and Debbie Gibson:

Totally legitimate.

Aaaaannnddd...let's close by revisiting a classic: A Giant List of Hobo Names. Good ole Whispering-Lies McGruder. He's a classic, he is.

I do hope I've brought a little laughter into your lives, my friends. When I was a child, my father taught me to laugh when I felt scared. So maybe that's really what's happening here. Whatever the reason, I know I've appreciated taking breaks, turning off a couple of switches in my brain (and that one was me mother's idea - what smart parents I have!), and finding a little hilarity in life. Whoops, I mean in the internet. Much love to all you awesomes who have been working so hard - you are amazing!

Getting to Teach

Throughout this week, I've been feeling a little like pieces of me have fallen through the cracks. I'm not sleeping or eating well. My mind is constantly racing. I actually hallucinated a few stuffed animals and lots of red blobs in my living room yesterday. The other night I had awful dreams about some friends who turned into monsters that ate your skin if you didn't completely cover it with a sheet. I've been depressed about not having the same energy I did when I was 23, the energy to protest all day and night, the energy to fight forever. I thought about how I could just move away from Wisconsin, the state I've come to love so hard. I didn't feel like myself. I wasn't me.

And throughout the week, there was one thing that happened every day to keep me from losing my mind: I got to leave downtown every day by 1 or 2 pm and go to work. My students would come in, and we'd do our piano lessons every day, just like we always do, just like we love to do. They'd come in and be themselves and be hilarious and lovely, and it kept me going. They made me sane. They soothed my mind. They rejuvenated my heart. I have never felt so lucky to get to go to my job and teach.

Dearest Wisconsin teachers - I so hope you get to go back to work soon. I hope you get to have what keeps you going in your lives again. I pray that people will stop standing in your way of doing your job and doing it wonderfully, as you have been this whole time. I know that's where you want to be, and I sincerely hope this is the case very soon. I support you 100% and I cannot wait for you to teach again.

Thank You, Teachers

When they announced that Madison schools would be closed tomorrow for a second day in a row, my stomach sank. Schools were closed today due to a massive teacher sick-in, and they will be closed tomorrow as well. For anybody who doesn't know what's happening, have a look here. I've been struggling with my feelings of discomfort because I know that I fully support these teachers and fully disagree with Governor Walker's proposed bill to take away collective bargaining rights of most public sector employees (plus huge pay cuts for teachers). But god, the fact that kids are missing two days of school in a row, and parents are having to scramble to figure out child care, and some parents will have to stay home from their own jobs...it just really bothers me.

But I know why I feel uneasy about the schools closing. And I feel pretty confident that most other teachers feel the same way. No good teacher wants to miss a day of teaching. No good teacher wants their students to be out of school for days. But when you're left with little choice, you do what you have to do. As a good friend of mine, and an amazing public middle school teacher, said today, "I hope that people realize that teachers won't be getting paid today! This isn't a holiday; they're teaching a valuable lesson that you should stand up for what you believe in! I would much rather be in my classroom working with kids than standing in the cold fighting this bill, but it has to be done!"

Today I watched thousands of people march strongly and proudly on the Capitol today, many of whom were children and teenagers. I saw some kids and parents I recognized and my heart swelled with pride. Monday's protest totals reached 2,000 people. Yesterday's reached nearly 15,000. Today there were close to 30,000 people protesting at the Capitol. Yesterday, over 700 students from East High School walked out of school and kept walking the 3 miles up to the Capital to join in the protest and support their teachers. And I can't help but think about what an unbelievable experience this is for those students and any others that attend. How they are learning about politics and history and civil rights and discourse and passion and pride and a million other things. All in the real world, all happening right where they live. I can't help but think this way. You see, I'm a teacher. This is how we think. Every moment can be a teaching moment. Every moment can be a learning moment.

And I feel so proud to watch as other teachers risk their own livelihood to teach these kids about what it means to stand up for what they believe in, to stand up for themselves, and to stand up for their students. Teachers teach, no matter what the circumstances. And for this, teachers, I thank you.

Some pictures and video from the protest on Tuesday, 2/16/2011. Hoping for more tomorrow.

So I've Been Baking. And Learning!

So...I've been baking. Isn't there a line in My So-Called Life that sounds like that? Something like "So...I've been hanging out with Rayanne Graff." I dunno, I'll let you know when I figure it out. I know, it's important to me too.

Anyhow, I've been baking. I feel like, even though I'm sort of a half-assed cook, I can bake really well. Plus, it's winter and it's cold out, and this'll warm you right up. And baking makes me so, so happy! I like to wear this one apron my mother brought me from Herrods and put my hair up and listen to Pandora. Today it was a Sleigh Bells station, but most often it's a station based off of Regulate by Warren G. It really sets the mood, you know? Plus, baking is educational. You get to learn how ingredients react with one another, and sometimes you have to do math if you change the recipe - so much learning! Anyhow, here's what I've been making!

These are white chocolate-blackberry-almond bars. I definitely got the recipe from the back of a white chocolate chips package, thanks for asking. It was one of those days where I wanted to use up some ingredients I'd had around for awhile; white chocolate chips (which, by the way, are amazing), sliced almonds which I toasted in the toaster oven, and an old jar of blackberry jam. The recipe called for raspberry, but blackberry worked really well.

It's a simple crust with a layer of jam. I know, I know, only one layer of jam?! But that's what the recipe said. Sorry, dudes. This was delicious.
What I learned: Keep track of how long you toast the almonds in the toaster oven because it goes fast and you'll probably burn the entire first batch and your kitchen will smell funny.

These are pumpkin muffins with a streusel topping. Making the streusel was fun and reminded me of making blueberry muffins with my mother when I was younger. But to be honest, I overcooked the muffins and they were sort of dry. Not my best work.

But very good-looking, eh? Now there's a good-looking muffin!
What I learned: Do not overbake. It's gross. And especially because this cute and charming young man tried one of these, and although he was kind and said they were good, I felt he didn't get to experience my finest work. So much pressure when people are so handsome!

On the big snow day last week, I made another kind of muffin: zucchini-bran-chocolate. I watched the baking time carefully on this one and they turned out so much better!

Want to know a secret about these? They make you poop. I gave everybody at work fair warning. Yeah, that was fun to say to my boss. Whoops a daisy!

I use chocolate chunks because they don't get ridiculously melty, but they melt just enough. These are delicious, and I like the way the green looks.

Second whoops a daisy: I was really spacey that day and forgot to cut the recipe in half. I gave away a billion of them and ate some and took many to work, and I still had to freeze some.
What I learned: It's funny to talk about poop at work, but mostly people act like adults about it. Except for me. I giggle a lot.

Today I decided to try a recipe I got from the mom of some of my students. She'd given me this frosted banana cookie the last time I was at her house, so I asked her for the recipe. I'd never made frosting before, so that was cool. Well, I guess I should say "frosting" because I think it's a little busted up.

Here's the banana cookie. Tons of banana flavor. The flavor comes from the bananas I added. How bout that!

This time I actually cut down the recipe by a third, so I don't have a zillion cookies. It's still probably too many, though, seeing as I like the baking process more than I like the eating sweet things process. So, come over if you want. I have cookies.

The recipe said to frost the cookies while they were still warm, but I think I was supposed to make the frosting way in advance and let that set for awhile. Well, I didn't. So the frosting got all melty and poured all over everything. See? Busted up.

Oh, and the other busted up part was that I didn't have any heavy cream, which was one of the frosting ingredients, but on the "internet" it said you could mix together butter and milk as a substitute. Here's how that looked - lovely, I know:

Whoops, back to the delicious, frosted cookie! On a cute plate. To get that milk-butter image out of your head. Sorry about that.
What I learned: Don't do all that busted up stuff. Or do it. Whatever. It all tastes fine in the end.

Wooo, baking! If you ever want some, come on over! I'm good at sharing baked goods. Just not sandwiches. Don't ask me to share my sandwich, okay?

Last thing! I'm trying to memorize all the countries of the world right now. I think I have at least 180 out of 195. So, there you go, more learning!

Legitimate Internet Search: Raw Chicken Implanted In Your Butt

I'm gonna keep this one short and sweet. Well, no. More like short and weird and confusing. I have this thing on my blog called Feedjit. It tells me (and anybody who wants to look) how people arrive on my blog. So it shows a location, a website from which they arrived (if any), and possibly a search term. For example, perhaps somebody in Washington DC could search for my blog by going to Google and searching "this is how I will get famous" and it would show up as such. Actually, I wrote a whole entry about it a little while ago. Pretty cool, eh?

Most of the searches that land on my blog include things like "inappropriate facebook status" because of this entry and "surviving Wisconsin winters" because of this one, and occasionally "Tommy used to work on the docks" because of this ole guy. There are plenty of real winners up in there. For example:

Have a click on there to read it closely. Damn crazy people. Sexy hobo romance! In the last couple of days, I've seen some more ridiculous - and new! - searches that have led to my blog. Have a lookie:

Royal Oak, Michigan arrived from google.com on "this is how i will get famous: So Long, Ole Snaggletooth. Hello Regular Guy." by searching for "snaggletooth man saying i look better than you, i look better than you."

Oh yes, for real. And then again today:

Easley, South Carolina arrived from ask.com on "this is how i will get famous: So Long, Ole Snaggletooth. Hello Regular Guy." by searching for "can i have my snaggletooth removed and replaced with a fake tooth?."

Do people actually call it a snaggletooth? Man, I was kidding when I said that! Well, good job everybody. I guess. Good luck with your damn snaggleteeth.

Snaggletooth is all fine and good, but the one that took the cake this week was this:

Yes indeed, that actually says Beaumont, Texas arrived from google.com on "this is how i will get famous: You've Got to Know Your Chicken" by searching for "raw chicken implanted in your butt."

WHY?! What is going on?! What IS this, even? Do people implant raw chicken in their butts? Is this a thing? As I sat and wondered, guess what else popped up on the ole feedjit this morning:


Yep, it's true. This one says Boston, Massachusetts arrived from google.com on "this is how i will get famous: Inappropriate Facebook Statuses" by searching for facebook's famous inappropriate chicken in your butt

COME ON. America, what the hell is happening to you? I feel just about done with you and your craziness. I'll stick with all the foreigners who arrive on my blog by searching "famous busted," thank you very much. Seriously, there are like 4-5 of those ones a week. Jeez...

Poomageddon!!!

List of Things I Will Do If There is a Snow Day This Week:

• Go through my drawer full of tights and get rid of some. Specifically some of the ones I've had since high school.
• Laundry. Bored.
• Listen to Metallica.
• Try out the ole donut maker.
• Bake zucchini/bran/chocolate muffins.
• Think about what "Fourth Wave Feminist" might mean some day.
• Listen to people talk about "Snowpacalypse" and "Snowmageddon," and replace "snow" with words like "poo," "fart," and "boob." Sorry Mom, but it's true. This is how I am.
• Write a blog entry (ooh, done!).
• Shovel snow. Or, failing that, watch Xiao shovel snow from inside my apartment.
• Shovel the lanai. Or, failing that, ignore it.
• Watch two episodes of The Cosby Show. Although we're moving into the Cousin Pam years, so it's possible I'll replace Cosby with Roseanne. Or just look up clips on the youtube.
• Read the Huffington Post a lot.
• Spend some time on sites such as This is Photobomb, Totally Looks Like, Sexy People, When Parents Text, and Awkward Family Photos.
• Wear this one pair of weird, baggy-ish leggings and a cami with ripped lace along the bottom. Maybe fleece socks, maybe a hoodie. Total sexy times.

Sounds good, eh? What will you be doing if you're stuck at home?

P.S. Even if there isn't a snow day, I'll try me best to do a lot of these things. Because they sound pretty awesome, I think.