Friday, October 30, 2009

Inappropriate Facebook Statuses

A little over three months ago, I wrote my sister an email. It looked like this:

So I've been thinking about this for about a year - I want to do a blog entry that's all just "inappropriate facebook status updates." They don't have to be over the top, but the reaction of the reader who's only distantly or not-so-familiarly connected to me would be like "ugh...TMI, but just a little." Something like that, you know? Not offensive, not disgusting, just like "man, why did you have to write that?! Now I feel all funny and am going to think of this when I see you at work."

I think I want to start on ongoing list and post it when it gets significantly awesome. Wanna start it up with me? I unfortunately usually base mine around poo, which I'll hold off on a bit for your sake. But I was inspired to do this one tonight:

Reem wants to try on a bunch of dresses tonight, but is too lazy to put on a bra.

Lemme know if you got any.


And so, it began. Since that day, July 28th, 2009, my sister and I have been compiling a list of inappropriate facebook statuses. Some time later, Ela joined in, and we made this list. There seem to be some common themes, mostly having to do with bodily functions. Also, we've used a list of names from around the world, and mostly, from around Sara's head. Enjoy!


Of the Boogers and Noses Persuasion

Laith's nose is unbelievably full of boogers. Fuller than it's ever been!

Shaquille's boogers resemble ectoplasm

Tyler just sneezed and peed a little

Sierra just found a booger in her mouth!

Dakota just blew her nose and a bunch of blood came out.


Poo, Pee, and Farts

Kermit just can't stop pooping this morning

Oscar is confused. He ate corn TWO nights ago, so why is it in his poop this morning??

Anastasia ate a bucket of beets last night and is still peeing purple.

Lois has pooped in all sorts of public places today!

Jebediah accidentally farted in his coworker's chair!

Jeremiah ate a ton of that leftover meat from Juliana's and now has gas like he's never before experienced...YOW!

Coach's farts smell like kabobs


That One Area in General - You Know the One I'm Talking About!

Beverly popped a ginormus butt zit!

Ramona just ran out of tampons

Beezus pulled a groin muscle!

Tallulah just had her colon cleansed and a worm shot out the tube and gave her the finger!

Henry has an appointment with the butt doctor!

Megdi just had his annual prostate exam!!


For Some Reason...Armpits

Roberta nicked her armpit while shaving and DAMN does the deodorant sting!

Alan just found deodorant crusties in his pits


Showering and Bathing: a Retrospective

Jezebel is amazed that her hair looks amazing even though she has not bathed in 5 days.

Hercules thinks that after going four days without one, it's time to take a shower. the hair is not looking so good.

Jerkules should have probably taken a shower prior to her bikini wax appointment


Miscellaneous

Consuela can't identify where the cat pee smell is comign from - but its definitly IN the house

Esme is going to pick up her refill of anti-depressents!

Jemima wants to try on a bunch of dresses tonight, but is too lazy to put on a bra.

Luai doesn't know HOW he passed that drug test!

Hazel just noticed she lost her necklace ... and then found it ... in her bosoms


I mean, seriously everybody. Do you want your coworkers knowing all this about you? Discretion is a beautiful thing. I suggest you use it.

9 comments:

Sara Ashes said...

fantastic!! what a labor- of love AND jello shots.

syb said...

OK I have to come back and read this entire list, but here's one I saw the other day that was just uneasiness-making in a different way

----
Sheila has discovered that I'm going to be spending my entire holiday season completely alone. Kind of sucks to be me. :(
----

ouch! and this person is just an acquaintance, so there's not much I can do about shitty life circumstances, you know?

Cody said...

Maybe I missed when you explained this, but these are not real, right? Gross.

Susannah said...

Jebediah and Jeremiah? Have you been watching the Duggars again?

RebeccaL said...

Ha, I had the same reaction, re: Duggars.

You might like: http://facebookfails.com/

Claire said...

Sara and Reem, this is very awesome! Love it!

The Pirate Queen said...

ladies as much as I am discomfited by these status updates.

And, way to throw the Beezus in there! Score!

Adam said...

Lovely post...here are a few:

My poop smells like fresh Gardenias.

My poop smells like my friend Jeremiah's poop.

My three day old poop smells better then my fresh poop...weird huh?

I like pooping and eating dinner at the same time.

If dog is a man's best friend then poop must be a woman's...cuz DAMN, I LOVE POOP!!!

jx said...

so i shouldn't blog about experimental use of re-usable, sustainable menstrual pads? but, but...