Legitimate Internet Search: Raw Chicken Implanted In Your Butt

I'm gonna keep this one short and sweet. Well, no. More like short and weird and confusing. I have this thing on my blog called Feedjit. It tells me (and anybody who wants to look) how people arrive on my blog. So it shows a location, a website from which they arrived (if any), and possibly a search term. For example, perhaps somebody in Washington DC could search for my blog by going to Google and searching "this is how I will get famous" and it would show up as such. Actually, I wrote a whole entry about it a little while ago. Pretty cool, eh?

Most of the searches that land on my blog include things like "inappropriate facebook status" because of this entry and "surviving Wisconsin winters" because of this one, and occasionally "Tommy used to work on the docks" because of this ole guy. There are plenty of real winners up in there. For example:

Have a click on there to read it closely. Damn crazy people. Sexy hobo romance! In the last couple of days, I've seen some more ridiculous - and new! - searches that have led to my blog. Have a lookie:

Royal Oak, Michigan arrived from google.com on "this is how i will get famous: So Long, Ole Snaggletooth. Hello Regular Guy." by searching for "snaggletooth man saying i look better than you, i look better than you."

Oh yes, for real. And then again today:

Easley, South Carolina arrived from ask.com on "this is how i will get famous: So Long, Ole Snaggletooth. Hello Regular Guy." by searching for "can i have my snaggletooth removed and replaced with a fake tooth?."

Do people actually call it a snaggletooth? Man, I was kidding when I said that! Well, good job everybody. I guess. Good luck with your damn snaggleteeth.

Snaggletooth is all fine and good, but the one that took the cake this week was this:

Yes indeed, that actually says Beaumont, Texas arrived from google.com on "this is how i will get famous: You've Got to Know Your Chicken" by searching for "raw chicken implanted in your butt."

WHY?! What is going on?! What IS this, even? Do people implant raw chicken in their butts? Is this a thing? As I sat and wondered, guess what else popped up on the ole feedjit this morning:


Yep, it's true. This one says Boston, Massachusetts arrived from google.com on "this is how i will get famous: Inappropriate Facebook Statuses" by searching for facebook's famous inappropriate chicken in your butt

COME ON. America, what the hell is happening to you? I feel just about done with you and your craziness. I'll stick with all the foreigners who arrive on my blog by searching "famous busted," thank you very much. Seriously, there are like 4-5 of those ones a week. Jeez...