Sunday, November 16, 2008

A Wave + A Hug = Broken Ribs

Okay. So...I think maybe I have a cracked or bruised one of my ribs. I'm not positive how it happened, but I'm thinking maybe it came from a big hug sort of thing? Where I got picked up off the ground? Suck. I'm pissed.

Anyhow, I laid down on my bed about an hour after this particular hug, after having been at the drink, yes, so I didn't quite notice the pain at first. I knew something felt weird, but I thought I'd just sleep it off. The next morning, I felt this sort of pain at the top of my left ribcage. It wasn't that bad yesterday, but today it really hurts. It's hard for me to sit up after I've been lying down, and it really hurts when I cough, sneeze, or laugh. Needless to say, it's made this weekend a bit difficult...

I thought I'd be resourceful and look up "broken ribs" online. I knew already that you can't do anything to help heal broken ribs. But I thought I'd research anyhow. Apparently, it takes them one to two months to heal, and you pretty much have to just let it happen on its own. Double suck.

Despite the annoyance, I did come across this interesting advice...there are a few words here and there that really puzzle me. I'm wondering if it was translated from another language and there was some kind of glitch that randomly messed up some of the words. "I enjoy been to the doctor?" "clutch it easy?" I don't get it. Check it out...

my mom twisted and she thinks any her rib or something dislocated, she is going to the doctor tomorrow but what do you think they will do??

How long does a sprain bring to heal? I enjoy been to the doctor for that. If you crack, dislocate, or even break a rib, in that is very little to be done. They will not put a style or even a brace on it.. ribs are very concrete to stabilize (every time you breathe, they move) They will probably perscribe an expensive version of ibuprofen (for misery and swelling) and possibly an antibiotic. You simply have to clutch it easy and tolerate your body heal itself. Save your self the trouble, unless your rib is broken and have punctured your lung so that you need emergency attention to detail, there is not much explanation to go to the doctor for this. It may hurt for a while, so only take your ibuprofen - I be told that you can take up to 800mg every six hours. But i.e. kind of alot so I might whip like 600 instead.

What the hell?

When I was on a vacation in Mexico with my parents and brother and his friend Art, I remember being out in the ocean with my father, who is an unbelievably bad swimmer. As in, he cannot swim. At all. The waves got bigger and bigger and one finally knocked my dad over. I swam over to him and helped him up. All seemed fine until a couple of weeks later...

It turns out, he was still feeling a lot of pain, so he went and got an x-ray done. And lo and behold...he'd cracked two ribs and one of his vertebrae. From an effing wave.

Hugs and waves. Really?

On the plus side, I finally got the Exploded Keytar Tshirt from Oddica that I've wanted for about a year. I guess this weekend isn't a total Suck Fest. Yay!


I have to share a letter that Tara's father sent out to some friends after a night of debauchery. Just FYI, he is Wire Nutz and his wife is Fuze Blower. Oh my god.

Howdy All,

As I sit here bedridden recovering from severely bruised ribs, all I can think of is Jimmy Buffet's Wasted Away in Margaretville - "Some people claim that there's a woman to blame". At least that was my immediate thought as I was on my knees trying to catch my breath. While dancing to some amazing zydeco music, Fuze Blower spun me and I went flying into the table holding the Birthday Cake. The table survived, I did not.

I next moved on to blaming the Birthday Boy and his fantastic playlist. It seemed logical to move on and blame the DJ. "But I know hell, it could be my fault."

I briefly thought about blaming the excellent choice of beer (Bells Two Hearted Ale), but I have surrendered to the Zen of Buffet - "I know it's my own damn fault".

The ER doctor informed me that my injury will heal slowly and remain painful for several days. Right now I'm resting comfortably, but the pain pills affect my ability to drive and think clearly. I'm not able to lift anything - I can barely stand. Nurse Fuze is doing a fine job of providing me with care, but I think I'm beginning to wear down her bedside manner.

I look forward to getting up and around again soon. Fuze Blower has recommended that I sign up for one of the classes at the Y that helps the elderly - Balance and Stability Training. Remember it is all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

"But there's booze in the blender and soon it will render,
That frozen concoction that helps me hang on."

On! On!

The Bruised but not Broken,
Wire Nutz


Tara said...

I like that is says they will give you medicine for your 'misery' haha. You can call my dad for advice about cracked ribs, from when my mom spun him on the dance floor and he flung into a table, that makes a bit more sense than waves or a hug.

Reem Tara said...

Okay, so now the list is comprised of...

1. Hugs
2. Beautiful ocean waves
3. A couple in love, dancing

Triple suck!

Sara Ashes said...

Oh no! Poor habibti! You know when I broke a rib? Sometime maybe 7th gradeish on one of those Tilt-a-Whirl type rides at Great America - I was in my car-thing with Laith and Bassam and its the sort of ride where the people on the outside get pushed towards the person on the inside. Those boys crushed me! over and over again! I remember knowing something really bad was happening while I was on the ride and it being really hard to catch my breath. It took most of the summer to heal.

Tara said...

Yes! That is a great list! Hilarious! I could read that letter a million times. I'm glad you love my parents!

Reem Tara said...

I wish that he'd included in the letter the wonderful detail of how they were too drunk that night to go to the ER and waited until the next morning. Fantastic!

jx said...

i don't have any rib problems but i think i will take an expensive version of ibuprofen for misery anyway.

Valerie said...

omg. i have the same story as tara. me and my friend were swinging around by our hands in the living room one drunken crazy night and we lost our grip and she flung into the table and broke some ribs. it REALLY sucks to have broken ribs. i'm so sorry reem. get well soon and use it as an excuse to rest as much as possible!

luai said...

aaah broken ribs and fathers, that reminds me of the day that my Dad and I both realized that I was too big for him to be hitting me anymore and that we would have to use words to settle our differences from then on out. I was a sophomore in High school and in my second year of Water Polo. I had some crazy strong legs with some monster thighs. He and I were in the family room wrestling around and I got my legs wrapped around his mid section. I was making him say he surrenders while I was giving him the scissor leg squeeze. He submitted and I accidentally broke his two lower ribs. I felt horribly guilty because it took him about a month to recover.

Reem - to help with broken ribs you can use ice, as well as ace bandage wrapped around the hurt area, the tight pressure can help to stabilize the area so it doesn't hurt as much when you move around.

Also anyone that is worried about my earlier comment of my Dad hitting me, obviously has never met Luai between the ages of 2-15, that kid needed an ass whoopin or else who knows what could have happened.

Reem Tara said...

Luai, my dear cousin, you amaze me. That's it. You simply amaze me.