Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Carpet Somewhere in the Building?

Okay, this was a tough one. Only because I wasn't sure if I should post it or not, due to the privacy issue. Here's the story: Yesterday, a parent of some of my students whom I've known for about 4 years told me that one of her sons (just turned nine years old) had written his own will. He came up with the idea on his own; nobody pushed, encouraged, or suggested anything. It was all his own doing.

Sort of morbid, right? His mother even agreed with me. But that's that funny part. It's actually way more hilarious than it is morbid. Read on to see why (I took out all names and personal things, but if you all spot anything else I should take out for privacy, let me know asap)

The Last Will And Testament of _____

March 30, 2009
I, ______, hereby declare:

I want to be buried; I do not want to be ashes. I want to be buried in a catholic cemetery. At my funeral mass, I want the hymns to be Amazing Grace and Lift High the Cross.

I want the Bishop of Madison, Wisconsin, United States to be the main celebrant at my funeral mass. I want to be buried next to _________. I want _________to make my casket.

I want them to burry my with my hair dyed purple. I want to be buried with a Wisconsin Badgers blanket and a rosary in my hands. I want to be buried a white cassock with red polka dots.

I want the funeral mass to begin at 3:17 AM, on a Monday. I want the funeral mass to be celebrated in a church with carpet somewhere in the building.

I want ______, ______, and _____ to serve at my funeral mass.

I want Little Creasers Pizza to be served at the luncheon after the funeral mass. And I want all of the people at the luncheon to watch the movie: St. John Bosco – Mission to Love, by Ignatius Press.

I want 100% of my money to go to the Cathedral of St. Raphael in Madison, Wisconsin, United States. I want all my other belongings, including my rubber ducky, to go to _________.

I want to give my batman underwear to my personal secretary, whoever it is.

I am not mentally ill at the time of writing. I want them to read this at my funeral mass. I, ____, is aged 9 at the time of writing.

I feel that I should also point out that this kid's little brother, who is two years old, told his mom the other day that he wanted to get a new dog and name it "Stupid." When the mom told him that this was not a nice way to talk and she didn't want to hear him call anybody that, he told her that he's only say it when she wasn't around.



Katie said...

Um, WHAT? Are these kids geniuses or what? Giving your batman underwear to your secretary? BRILLIANT! And you definitely picked the best line of all for your title. CARPET somewhere in the building? Again, WHAAAAAAT? That's fucking hilarious! And a polka-dotted cassock. Genius. That will SO complement the purple hair and the Badgers blanket. I am in love with this kid.

Tara said...

Oh my god, you can't fucking make this stuff up. I love kids.

SophisticatedBrew said...

Absolutely genius. Better than any will that a grown-up could write. Hell yeah to "Little Creasers" and purple hair!

Sara Ashes said...

my favorite is his affirmation that he is not mentally ill at the time of writing this. Becuase you know, that piece is not necessarily obvious and is helpful info to know!

trishzilla said...

OMG! You never cease to find something HILARIOUS to talk about. Now I need to decide whom I should will my undies too....

Elizabeth said...

That kid writing his will is hilarious... I love the part where he wanted to give his Batman underwear to his secretary. That whole writing his will thing sounds like something I would"ve done when I was 9!