Would You Rather!

A couple of weeks ago, I ended up babysitting for some of my students - this is a rarity, as I do not like to mix my super professional nature with outside-work sorts of things. But this was a wonderful exception - I got to hang out with four kids (three of whom I teach at the art center) for a few hours while their parents went to holiday parties.

So not only did I make a small fortune on a Saturday night, but I had a lovely time. Mostly we played the Wii. I'm not all that excited about sports in real life, but sports on the Wii are kind of fun. I'm actually extremely good at baseball and golf on the Wii. In real life, I'd probably vomit from boredom with these sports. But with the Wii...everybody can be good at sports. Even the nerdiest of nerds. Even bandos. Wow.

We'd been playing on the Wii for a little while when one of the kids (age 9) started asking me a bunch of questions. "What's your favorite thing to do at a mall? What do you eat for breakfast? When you go to sleep, what do you do to make yourself tired?" This soon turned into more hypothetical questions..."If you could have a pet monkey, would you? What about a pet ostrich? Would you rather have a pet monkey or win the lottery?" And those were the key words, my friends..."Would You Rather."

"Oh, we play this game all the time at the dinner table," the 9 year old tells me. "We're just not allowed any potty talk." That seems fair enough, so we begin. I wish I remembered more of them...here are some that come to mind right away:

Would you rather go to jail or carve a hole in the president's desk (the hole would have to be about an inch and a half in diameter)?

Would you rather eat mayonnaise mixed with hair, or a tooth dipped in mustard?

Would you rather have to wear braces for the rest of your life, or have buck teeth for the rest of your life and have a newspaper article written about it every day for the rest of your life?

Would you rather have flower pots stuck around your feet or cauliflowers for ears?

Would you rather get a tattoo of my face (the 9 year old) or B's face (the 7 year old) on your stomach?

Would you rather get your belly button pierced 8 times or get a tattoo of B on your stomach?

And such and such. It's amazing to me...in fact, when I went to the bar later that night, I played more with some friends of mine. And you know what? The kids won in the creativity every time. I mean, sure, there were some good ones (i.e. would you rather eat a hot dog - asking a vegan person - or your own finger? Would you rather have one boob or three boobs?), but nothing compared to the brilliance of the kids.

This past weekend, I went to a Christmas party at another friend's house and proceeded to play Would You Rather again, this time with Genia leading the way. It started innocently enough, but then I realized that these kids could totally use potty talk. Here are some of the ones from this weekend:

Would you rather be an eyelash or a boob?

Would you rather be a butt or a fart?

Would you rather have butterflies for ears or big tree trunks for arms?

Would you rather be a teacher made of blood or a teacher made of bread?

Would you rather be a couch or a Christmas tree (G was just saying things he saw in front of him at this point)?

Would you rather dance or stand around on the couch?

Would you rather live in a car with your mom or a dorm room with your dad (to be fair, this was made by the dad of these kids...pretty good...)?

Although the kids totally win, I do have to point out some pretty brilliant ones that came out somewhere between Gwen, Genia, and I within the last few years...

Would you rather have sand teeth or yogurt hands (imagine latex gloves filled with yogurt and tied off at the wrists. Imagine playing piano, or taking out the garbage with those yogurt hands...)?

Would you rather have yogurt hands or a layer of skin around your teeth? Sick.

Would you rather have really loud farts or really stinky farts? Also, you fart about 8 times an hour.

And last but not least, Genia's famous one...Would you rather (something terrible and awful - fill in your own) or eat your own hand?

You got any??