So...I read this book about eating and nutrition that I'd heard about on Ellen (no joke). It's called Skinny Bitch (I hate the title) and it's supposed to be about eating healthy. And it was really kind of stupid; the authors are obnoxious as all hell and totally going for some kind of "in-your-face" attitude. Bored. But it did talk about eating vegan and organic, which is something I think about very little.
I stopped eating dairy earlier this year because I thought maybe my constant headaches were a result, for some reason. It was one of those brilliant self-diagnosing moments of genius. But soon after, somebody who gave me a massage told me I probably get headaches because I "hold my shoulders like a fucking vice." This was later confirmed by a real massage therapist who said my upper back was full of "road bumps," which is what was probably causing my headaches. Anyhow, I got to eat dairy again. I like dairy a lot. It pretty much rules. When I was avoiding the dairy, I had all these great ideas for non-dairy recipes that always turned out only alright. I'm not the greatest cook in the world, so trying to substitute ingredients and make shit up was not my finest moment. So basically, I don't love the idea of being vegan, what with all the dairy love, but sometimes I think about it...
In the book, the authors talk a lot about why you shouldn't eat animal products. Those horror stories always affect me for a few days, but then I'll inevitably need some sort of grilled sammie with meat in it, or a giant sausage pizza or something. It doesn't last long. In my heart, I really don't think that not eating animal products is something I'll ever do completely, but today, I had the motivation to at least look into it. There's a billion meat/dairy substitutes out there. No, they definitely do not "taste the same" as the real thing, but it's an honest effort that I can appreciate. The best part, however, is the names of these products. For example...
Not Dogs - fake hot dogs
Tuno - fake tuna
Bologno - fake bologna
Tofurky - fake turkey
Gimme Lean! - a fake ground beef product, I think named to sound like "Jimmy Dean"
Meatless Meatballs - no explanation necessary
Steak Style Strips - um...yeah.
Fakin' Bacon - fake bacon
And I know these aren't fake meats, but:
Tofutti - ice cream-like stuff
Fig Newmans - organic fig newtons. hilarious!
Maybe that's why I'll never take being vegan seriously. Because of Not Dogs. I mean, come on!
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