I look at my blog "Edit Posts" page and there are seven unfinished drafts in there from the last two months. Seven! I have had writer's block up the wazoo. See? I'm so blocked that I have to resort to words like "wazoo." Ugh.
Anyhow, thanks to a lovely woman named Miriam and her Contemplative Writing class I've been attending, I've finally been able to write a couple of things. Today's assignment made me struggle so much - she gave us a bunch of blanks (i.e. "I regret ___," "I dream of ___," "When I was 8 years old ___," etc). The first 18 of the 20 minutes we wrote felt like pulling teeth. Tough stuff - boundary issues, discomfort -you know. I sort of hated it. But finally, in the last couple of minutes, all this stuff poured out of me, and then one of my awesome classmates said that I should put it on my blog. So...thanks class, and thanks Miriam! First finished piece in 65 days...
I used "I remember___"
I remember an uninspired life. Sitting in dark apartments for hours - laying on couches or beds, eating so much and letting it all sit in my body. Wasting hours and hours on television. And waiting on other people when I already had my shit together.
I remember not caring about much of anything. The biggest challenge of the day was whether I could get through a day of work with this bad a hangover.
And I remember devoting my precious life to somebody else, to too many somebody elses. And leaving myself alone and wondering where I went. And it is what made me realize what I really have to do - for me. I have to do this for me. Because there's no one else I'd rather be in charge of.
I remember the heartache and pain that led me to joy and inspiration. I remember the suffering that led me to a new, bright, and joyful life. I remember that I've learned to grow up and out and away from the darker parts of life. Like in the book The Prophet - the joy can only be as high as the sorrow was low.
I will continue to remember, experience, and live the highest and most gigantic joys that this world has ever heard of.
Thanks for reading, dudes. And thank you for patience and and clarity and light. Yes, you.
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