Gems From Chicago

Here are some things my dad has said this weekend:

1. We're watching Iron Chef and one of the judges has kind of long hair. Nothing out of control...just a bit long. All the judges were arguing with each other and I said to dad "they're all so bitchy!" To which he replies "you know what I'd do with them? I'd start with the long haired one, and I'd go and cut his hair. Then at least his brain would be able to breathe and maybe he'd do some thinking for once."

2. He turns the word "convertible" into "confartible."

3. On NPR they're talking about Big Blue Ball, the Peter Gabriel album that's a collaboration of a bunch of artists. My dad says "blue balls? Is that what they get when they fight and kick each other in the balls?" Later in the night we were talking about the lottery, and I mentioned the Powerball game we have in Wisconsin. I heard my dad giggling quietly to himself. Powerballs.

4. "All you children should go live in the Eastern Block and teach those people about choice." This was about me saying to mom that we should let the guests choose whether they want mango lemonade or blackberry juice. Because it's the new millennium, and we have choices now.

Oh damn. There were more. I'll try and remember.